To lighten up the day
 
 
Research et al.
 
• If you copy from one its called plagiarism,
if you copy from two its called research.
 
 
• Publish it, which is not to be confused with publishit!
 
 
• Zinkernagel's theory about publishing papers:
 
Old method, old results, no way
Old method, new results, OK
New method, old results, OK
New method, new results, no way
 
 
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
 
 
• A rose by any other name will still attract aphids
 
 
• What do you give a man who has everything? Penicillin!
 
 
• If we knew what it was we were doing,
it would not be called research, would it?
 
Albert Einstein
 
 
• The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people
will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
 
Terry Pratchett
 
 
• I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box
when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
 
Terry Pratchett
 
 
 
Brilliant
 
• Doppler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
 
 
• Why should things be easy to understand?
 
Thomas Pynchon
 
 
• Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because they build cars and
buildings and start wars etc... and all that dolphins do is swim, eat fish
and play. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons.
 
Douglas Adams
 
 
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe
is that it has never tried to contact us.
 
Bill Watterson
 
 
Observant
 
• History is not what you thought. It is what you can remember.
 
WC Sellar & RJ Yeatman (1930)
1066 and all that
 
 
• When thoughts fail, words come in handy
 
Attributed to Goethe, but who knows. It doesn’t really matter.
 
 
• Most people stumble over the truth, now and then, but they
usually manage to pick themselves up and go on, anyway.
 
Winston Churchill
 
 
Subtlety of language
 
• The more he looked inside the more Piglet wasn't there.
 
AA Milne The House at Pooh Corner
• You can tell a Yorkshire man
But you can't tell him much
 
 
• God save the King...
And God help the rest of us!
 
End of a poem by Spike Milligan, 1933
 
 
• There was the word "bloody". It was a favourite word among the convicts, unsurprisingly, and it became widely used in Australia. One traveller noted that he heard an Australian use "the disgusting word" twenty-seven times in a quarter of an hour, and this enterprising observer went on to calculate that it would add up to about eighteen million two hundred thousand uses in fifty years. He added that he thought the said Australian was quite capable of reaching the target.
 
The Adventure of English by Melvyn Bragg
 
 
• If it aint complicated it dont matter whether it works or not because if it
aint complicated up enough it aint right. So even if it works, dont believe it.
 
William Faulkner, The Town
 
 
• Il faut beaucoup d’années pour devenir jeune
One needs many years to become young
 
Picasso
 
 
 
Odds & ends
 
• Epitaph for an atheist
 
All dressed up
Nowhere to go
 
 
• Was Henry VIII a serial killer?
 
 
 
• Monogamy is what dining room tables are made of
 
• Comedian John Cleese gives three reasons why the British are superior to
Americans:
 
 
1) They speak English.
2) When they host a world championship, they invite other countries.
3) Visitors to the office of the head of state are only expected to go
down on one knee
 
 
• Conversation between the French ambassador and Benjamen Disraelli,
Prime Minister to Queen Victoria
 
I was born a Frenchman, I am a Frenchman and I will die a Frenchman.
 
Do you not have any ambition?
 
 
• That’s a message not even a pigeon would want to carry
 
A Humphry Bogart one-liner
 
 
• Reality is the leading cause of stress, for those in touch with it
 
 
• One man and his dogma
 
 
• Toute femme qui dirige, ou
Toute homme qui dirige,
qui fait quelque chose,
 
A contre elle ou contre lui
ceux qui voudraient
faire la même chose,
ceux qui font précisément
le contraire, et surtout
la grande armée de gens,
beaucoup plus sévères,
qui ne font rien.
 
Voltaire
 
 
• Adopt a positive attitude.
It may not work but it will annoy
enough people to be worth the effort.
 
 
 
     Groucho Marx quotes
 
• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
 
• Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
 
• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.